Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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