i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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