we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
