hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
