im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
