Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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