I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
