Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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