The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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