i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
