why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
