Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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