when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
