Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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