so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
