If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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