): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
