just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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