What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize