Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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