Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
