evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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