Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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