Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
