During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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