whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
