K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
