the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
