There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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