Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
