Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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