Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
