I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize