you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize