Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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