so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
