Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
