Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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