I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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