The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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