I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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