my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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