u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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