After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
