I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
