you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
