Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
