1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
