you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I need to sanitize my soul.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
