I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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