he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize