I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
