how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
