I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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