Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
