I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize