I showed him my bush... on skype.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
