I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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