You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
