9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
