i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
