he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
