No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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