Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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