It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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