Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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