I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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