apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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