Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
