Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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